Bullying, stalking and narcissism

Crosby Stills Nash Young Teach Your Children - War Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHtZJC_4YmE

Collateral Murder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rXPrfnU3G0

http://www.bullyonline.org/related/family.htm
Excerpt:

Bullying in the family
Dealing with a serial bully, psychopath or sociopath in the family
Issues: bullying relations, family bullying, abusive partners, abusive relationships, power, control, domination, subjugation, manipulation, intimidation, narcissism, attention seeking, arrogance, fear, shame, embarrassment, guilt, denial

Excerpt:
Control is a common indicator of the serial bully at home - control of finances, control of movements, control over choice of friends, control of the right to work, control over what to think, and so on. All are designed to disempower.
A favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that:
a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarrelling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and
b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people's attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict
Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation, and are especially prone to exploiting those who are most emotionally needy. Elderly relatives, those with infirmity, illness, those with the greatest vulnerability, or those who are emotionally needy or behaviourally immature family members are likely to be favourite targets for exploitation.
The family bully encourages and manipulates family members etc to lie, act dishonourably and dishonestly, withhold information, spread misinformation, and to punish the target for alleged infractions, ie the family members become the bully's unwitting (and sometimes witting) instruments of harassment.

http://www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm
Excerpt:
Background to stalking and cyberstalking
A study of 50 stalkers by the Royal Free Hospital and University College Medical School, London, found that women are much more likely to be stalked and attacked by a former sexual partner than by a stranger. Stalking has become Britain's fastest growing crime with over 4000 prosecutions under the Protection From Harassment Act each year. The UK's first national anti-stalking police unit was authorised by Home Secretary Jack Straw in January 2000 to tackle the growing behaviour of stalking.
US crime statistics show that 1 in 12 women will be stalked in their lifetime, as will 1 in 45 men. At any one time, approximately 1 million women and around 375,000 men are the target of stalking in America. Los Angeles, home of Hollywood, is the stalking capital of the world. But it's not just famous people who get stalked. The majority of stalking cases involve ordinary people.

http://www.bullyonline.org/related/cyber.htm
Excerpt:
The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't respond, don't interact and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will. Serial bullies and harassers often have disordered thinking patterns and do not share the same thoughts or values as you.

http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissistic-mothers-are-bullies.html
Excerpt:

Narcissistic Mothers as Bullies

It is a given that Narcissistic Mothers are bullies. Their Narcissistic Rage is a classic bullying technique, creating fear in the minds of the victim. Enabling Fathers, too, depending on how actively they enable, are bullies in the cause of keeping the Narcissistic Mother happy.

This would have been a very core experience in my own life. Any intransigence, any complaint about how they treated me, any challenge to them, was met with overwhelming force. Not physical, not in my case (although it would be physical in many cases).

But there would be huge amounts of emotional abuse.

I used to describe it (before I knew about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and had that language) as that they had this 'Horrible Danu Mirror', i.e. this image of me that was this truly horrible, nasty, worthless, ghastly, useless person, and they held this image up to me whenever I tried to speak up for myself.

"Oh!" They'd say, "Well you think you're so perfect. Let me tell you, you're not!" And out would come a list of my supposed faults.

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html
Excerpt:
Stalkers have narcissistic traits. Many of them suffer from personality disorders. The vindictive stalker is usually a psychopath (has Antisocial Personality Disorder). They all conform to the classic definition of a bully.
Before we proceed to delineate coping strategies, it is helpful to review the characteristics of each of these mental health problems and dysfunctional behaviours.
I. The Narcissistic Stalker
The dramatic and erotomaniac stalker is likely to show one or more of these narcissistic traits:

• Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality traits to the point of lying, demands to be recognised as superior without commensurate achievements);

• Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion;

• Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions);

• Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation – or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (Narcissistic Supply);

• Feels entitled. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her unreasonable expectations for special and favourable priority treatment;

• Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends;

• Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with, acknowledge, or accept the feelings, needs, preferences, priorities, and choices of others;

• Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory (paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the same about him or her and are likely to act similarly;

• Behaves arrogantly and haughtily. Feels superior, omnipotent, omniscient, invincible, immune, "above the law", and omnipresent (magical thinking). Rages when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted by people he or she considers inferior to him or her and unworthy.

(Adapted from "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited")
II. The Antisocial (Psychopathic) Stalker
APD or AsPD was formerly called "psychopathy" or, more colloquially, "sociopathy". Some scholars, such as Robert Hare, still distinguish psychopathy from mere antisocial behaviour. The disorder appears in early adolescence but criminal behaviour and substance abuse often abate with age, usually by the fourth or fifth decade of life. It may have a genetic or hereditary determinant and afflicts mainly men. The diagnosis is controversial and regarded by some scholar as scientifically unfounded.
Psychopaths regard other people as objects to be manipulated and instruments of gratification and utility. They have no discernible conscience, are devoid of empathy and find it difficult to perceive other people's nonverbal cues, needs, emotions, and preferences. Consequently, the psychopath rejects other people's rights and his commensurate obligations. He is impulsive, reckless, irresponsible and unable to postpone gratification. He often rationalises his behaviour showing an utter absence of remorse for hurting or defrauding others.
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